Are you there, God? It's me, Margaret.

Dear Diary,

Been a while since I wrote, and I'm not going to lie, things haven't been all that great. The boy I was dating broke up with me via text because he didn't want to be in a committed relationship... then a day later it was announced that he was in a committed relationship with another girl. Through Facebook, which is humiliating to even *write*, for the record. How very high school. While I recognize that all of this is a good sign that we weren't good together, it's hard not to feel the oh-so-recognizable sting of rejection.

I'm sick again, which is kind of feeling like the last straw. Not so much because of how uncomfortable I am (kill me?), but more because of the financial and job worries that come along with being sick all the time.

When one is living with depression, there is nothing worse than giving them a grody virus and causing them to live inside with their fever, snotty kleenexes, and thoughts for five or more days. Let me tell you. This is my third time around in two months, and I am so very, very sick of myself. I'm sick of me, my martyr-like thoughts and behaviour, and my sad-sack weeping and self-pity. I can't even imagine how you all feel reading this, because all I want to do is give myself a big kick in the ass and send myself out the door!

So here's the deal. I'm pulling out the big guns for this one, because I KNOW that it can always get worse, so nothing should be taken for granted. This time two years ago, I was hospitalized over the Easter weekend and I was mentally and physically worse off than I am today. I may not be able to say much that is positive, but I will say this - it can get worse. I have been there, and I truly believe that even if it feels like I'm back at square one, I have too many experiences and too much acquired knowledge in me to really believe that.

I'm just going to say that over and over tonight until I fall asleep :)

xoxo-PS