There's no place like home. But guess what - other places can be just as fun!

Pyjama Smoker Travel Log - Part Two, Three, and Four.

I am home. I arrived yesterday morning, and said goodbye to my wonderful sister and her friends this morning. Needless to say, I already miss them terribly. The trip was so much fun, but pretty challenging to say the least. I have decided that the past five days have been like an episode of Fear Factor - scary and unappealing in many ways, but worth it in the end. Instead of buckets of money, I emerged with a sense of personal pride and more good times and laughs in one week than I've had in a year. I think the title of this blog summarizes my lesson well - there is no place like home, but until I remove myself from my safety zone, I continue to miss out on a whole lot of good times.

For the record, Fear Factor (Pyjama Smoker Edition) includes riding on four ferries in stormy west coast winter weather, eating out at a restaurant (eating food that hasn't been prepared by myself), eating refrigeratables that have been unrefrigerated for a few hours (ooh, daring!) and sleeping in unfamiliar places. It may not include lying in a bathtub of centipedes or eating the raw nutsack off a mountain goat, but it's scary shit to me.

So I arrived in one piece, and was immediately barraged by a plethora of unresolved SHIT (for lack of a more eloquent term) from EI, Student Loans, my mother's bank, and human resources at my previous employer. It's surprising how quickly the vacation glow can disappear when faced with bills, bills, and more overdue bills.

EI finally came back with the pay they have owed me from the past two months, after one more two-hour sit in the Service Canada office yesterday afternoon. Student Loans has accused me of missing two payments besides the fact that I worked out an agreement with them to give me interest relief until they receive the paperwork application for interest relief, which is mysteriously... missing! Colour me shocked. Human Resources for my previous employer charged me $500 for health care benefits for the entire month of December, despite the fact that I resigned mid-month and am not receiving benefits (oh, and when they tried to take the $500 from my bank account, the payment bounced and they charged me a $40 fee). Today I sat in the HR office and had a chat with the employee who said that they will continue to take $500 per month until they receive notice of resignation from my supervisor, and that when they do receive notice, they will refund me for all payments past mid-December. I find that to be kind, though I did mention that if they remove $500 of money that I in fact don't owe, on January 1st as planned, that my RENT will bounce. I'm questioning this logic.

As I drove around for the day, writing cheques and bartering overdue payments, I couldn't help but pinpoint a feeling I have had for about two months now. My medical leave - the leave that I took to work on my depression and anxiety symptoms - has been focused *entirely* on paperwork, lengthy phone calls, office visits, bounced cheques and overdue bills, and scraping together (read: borrowing) money just to make ends meet. I am... angry. Unfortunately, I'm angry at that broad-spectrum "system" over which I have no power. On a micro level, each little hoop-jump and systematic screw-up is not enough to push me over the edge, but from a macro perspective, from the sum of all micro parts, I have decided that our system is heavily flawed. I think that's putting it mildly, and kindly. That being said, our Canadian system is not the worst.

I'm getting tired, however, of saying to myself "hey, there are places out there where I wouldn't be getting any support or benefits, I should just sit on my hands and stay silent, and be happy for what I have." I am happy for what I have, but I gotta say - this system of disability benefits and medical employment insurance, HR medical benefits and student loans... it is CRAZY-MAKING. I am shocked that to date, there has been no report of some nutjob like myself taking a flame-thrower to a few government offices. Come to think of it, if I hadn't borrowed money to pay for my meds, it could have been a hop, skip and a jump to flame-throwing crazyville for Pyjama Smoker and her pugly sidekick.

Ahh well. I went and saw the ladies who lunch today at the pavillion, and served my mother stewed strawberry and rhubarb. Life could be a lot worse than having free time to enjoy a little dessert with my mother.

Signing off with love to all you other pyjama smokers...

PS